To be known

To be known

Sometimes I just want to be known,

Need desperately for someone to understand

Who I am and what I have been through.

To feel like I am real to at least one person-

It seems like no one can understand the depth of pain-

The torment of my past.

Am I really real if no one knows me?

Do I even exist if only I see me?

Is it wrong to want others to understand?

I need so desperately to know that I am not

Alone in this- that someone else can see

That this pain is real.

That someone else can see how brave I must be

In order to face each day

Rather than hiding away.

by Amy Yampanis, All Rights Reserved

 

Sing of the Days of Innocence

Sing of the Days of Innocence

            Sing of the days of innocence, how they once were,  

                        -I loved all the people in my life, with an unconditional love, with all

  of my heart.

-I trusted them, with a trust that only a child could have.

-I believed in them, that they would be able to give me what I needed.

-I looked to them to mirror back to me who I was.

-I went to them when I was hurting inside…

            Sing of the days of innocence, bitter though they were,

                        -My innocent love ebbed away in response to HIS sick touches.

-My young trust was abused as they manipulated me to give them what they wanted despite the horrible effects it had on me.

-My hopeful belief in them was stripped bare as countless times they only satiated their own desires, leaving me with nothing.

-My natural desire to look to them turned to a desire to run from them as they mirrored back to me only hatred, evil, guilt, and pain.

-My need to be comforted by those I loved, twisted by HIM into me having to comfort him in his sick and perverse ways.

            Sing of the days of innocence, gone though they are,

-They were taken from me so long ago by the wandering fingers of greedy men.

-My childhood was taken away from me by their loveless actions of “sexual” violence.

-Those days were robbed from me by the skillful lies, petty deceit of so many of the people that I loved.

-He forced the premature end of my days of innocence as pain after pain piled up to build a wall that was for so long impenetrable.

-Those days were ripped from me and replaced by them with the shackles of guilt and blame that they so craftily laid upon me.

            Sing of the days of innocence and how they should have been-

            Sing of the days of innocence and how they truly were-

            Sing of the days of innocence to end the pain they carry-

Sing of the days of innocence, that you might be set free from the bondage of the past.

by Mindy Hawk, All Rights Reserved

 

Swirling memories of Darkness

Swirling memories of Darkness

The memories swirl around me at

An ever increasing pace

And the pain repeatedly washes over me like giant tidal waves.

I feel strangely present in my body.

Usually as soon as I feel the first invading fingers of that Darkness touch me, I

Quickly, efficiently slip out of my body.

But that initial moment of invasion has long since passed,

Giving way to the full-force onslaught of the memories.

Yet I am still very much present in my body.

I can feel the Dark fingers tugging at my mind,

Dragging up memories from the graveyard of my childhood.

Fear grips tightly around me as those Dark fingers fling one after another hurt at me.

Yet I am still here.

Pain pierces my heart and reaches up with steel fingers,

Holding tightly about my throat, trying to maintain

The deadly silence of the past.

Tears flow like a river.

I can actually feel them as they roll down my cheeks.

Heart wrenching sobs break through the strangle-hold of pain and fear.

With each body-shuddering sob, I can feel some of the pain and fear leave, with

Each gasping breath I can feel a little more life and love come in.

Now the pain has become a cleansing force, flushing out the memories that caused the pain as they rotten deep within.

The inner Darkness

Which is of others’ making is getting less and less potent as

The Light comes in.

In the Darkness’ last attempt for this round, it tells me that my truth is fear and death.

I tell the Darkness that The Truth is hope and life.

by Mindy Hawk, All Rights Reserved